我在大学第一年

My First Year in College
      Many high school graduates wrongly assume that university life is totally free from worries. After a period of serious and solemn study in senior three, the hard beavers expect to take a break and develop some habits. However, many may find later that the situation may be beyond their anticipation.
     I＇ve tried to convince the adults around that the image they have of my university life as a free and unrestrained one is some what misunderstanding. In reality, school life is so busy that I sometimes wonder if my energy is enough.
      About my first year in college, my life is mainly made up of two parts, study and practice.  As a student, the main task is study. In order to gain a high GPA, I have to get used to the college life style and begin a new pursue in study. It is the learning method that shows off most of the differences between senior study and college study. ! have a roommate who goes out to have lessons in the morning and comes back in the evening after the self-study classroom is closed. The peers＇ behaviors make me feel under pressure. In university, one% view of life is integrally formed and strengthened. I begin to program my future plan and realize that study itself is an affair for me. The more courses I learn by heart, the more maturity I get. University education ensures students of better jobs.  I usually reckon that time consuming on study is worthwhile as it bears such important events as occupation, career and responsibility.
     To some extent, study and practice are intertwined, and they begin from the very start of freshman year. Student Union enjoys almost complete acceptance. It is a place where one can get his ability trained, have his competence applied and make a lot of friends who share the same interests with him. But sometimes, social activities and practices are time consuming, what＇s more, the sense of responsibility also requires you to make effort to fulfill the task.
     No one starts in one＇s present position all along that it was what he or she wants to do. Sometimes, the chance will just lead you down some unforeseen trail only if you have a prepared mind. My first year in college is not relaxed, but all way along is full of curiosity and satisfaction.

简  评
    通过这篇作文，我们看到了一个值得佩服的女大学生，学习努力，又积极参与社会实践，具有明确的人生目标，大一的生活过得充实而幸福。
    从intertwine，time consuming，reckon等词汇可以看得出来，作者的语言功底较为扎实，词汇的使用准确而地道。作者从学习和实践两个方面进行阐述，并在末尾进行了总结，对文章开头进行了呼应，显示了作者娴熟的写作手法。
    不过，从标题来看，这篇文章应当是写作者对大一的总结和感受。论述提纲也是如此，但作者有点过于注重论证，去justify自己各方面的行为，而非从内心自我的角度出发去谈自己的感受，作者除了在第二段用了几个I作为句子的主语以外，文章的其余部分几乎没有用I或my，反而是用了几次you，这样显得客观有余，亲切不足，是本文的美中不足之处。