建立信任(Confidence building)

　　the foundation of any relationship, whether it be with a business associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. trust is not something that can be built with quick fix techniques. rather, it is something that is cultivated through consistent habits in your interactions. the following are twelve patterns of behavior that increase trust in your relationships.

　　1. be transparent

　　do not try to hide things from others. refuse to have any hidden agendas. you might think you can pull a fast one on someone else. you can’t. most people have good intuition and even though they may not be able to consciously determine that you are hiding something, they very likely will have an uneasy feeling around you. if they don`t feel comfortable around you, they won't be able to trust you.

　　another sinister aspect of having hidden agenda is that it erodes your ability to trust others. you will assume that if you aren’t fully forthcoming, other people aren’t either. when you are trustworthy, however, you will see others as more trustworthy too.

　　2. be sincere

　　this is similar to the previous point. only say what you mean. be impeccably honest with your words. refuse to try and craft your words to manipulate others. don`t give fake compliments, patronize others or say something just because you think you are supposed to. again, people have good bs detectors. when others know that you only speak genuinely, it increases their capacity to trust you. everyone loves authenticity.

　　3. focus on adding value

　　in any relationship, always have the best interest of others at heart. work hard to give as much or more than you get. when you consistently add value to someone`s life, they not only feel like you are on their side, they also have the urge to reciprocate. in business relationships, this means always under-promise and over-deliver. in personal relationships, focusing on meeting the needs of the other person instead of taking in order to get your own needs met.

　　4. be present

　　the last thing anyone wants is to have a conversation with someone who isn’t there. instead of retreating into your head, focus on listening to others. whenever you are with someone, make them your primary focus. don’t think about work while you are at home talking to your spouse. don’t think about life at home when you are with a client. when it comes to relationships, presence means quality time and quality time builds trust.

　　5. always treat people with respect

　　ever since we were little kids, we have been taught to be respectful. however, when our standards get violated or there is no one around to see (read: we don`t think there will be any consequences), we can often engage in petty behavior. this encompasses a wide range of actions from personal attacks during arguments to gossiping behind someone’s back.

　　always remember that another person’s inherent worth as a human being entitles them to be treated with dignity. when people know that you will always treat with them respect, it is very natural for trust to flourish.