建立信任(Confidence building)(2)

　　6. take responsibility

　　when you mess up, which you invariably will, be quick to clean it up. skip the excuses and just take responsibility. justifying and making excuses may help you in the short term but in the long run, it does nothing for your character or the level of trust you are given. accountability is a rare trait these days with most people wanting to avoid negative consequences at all costs. dare to be different and you will win the trust of others.

　　7. focus on feedback

　　unless you`re a mind reader, the only way you can know how well a relationship is going is by getting feedback from the other person. be not only willing to accept feedback – actively seek it out. many people are afraid to give you feedback, especially if its negative, out of fear that they will offend. ask with sincerity and respond respectfully and others will be far more willing. take both the positive and negative into account along with your own judgment and adjust your behaviour accordingly.

　　8. take criticism well

　　learn to handle criticism with grace. instead of getting defensive, consider the possibility that what the other person is saying might be true. closing yourself off from criticism has the effect of closing off all communication.

　　in some cases, the criticism may indeed be inaccurate. in these instances, you have the opportunity to show empathy. try to understand the problem from the other person’s point of view. perhaps the criticism is just a thinly veiled attack that stems from a deeper upset they may have with you. in these cases, your willingness to dig deeper without getting defensive will certainly enhance the trust in the relationship.

　　9. set boundaries

　　be clear about how you expect people to behave around you. again, do this in a mature manner: be sincere and respectful. when you have clear standards, people know exactly how to behave around you and that gives them certainty. the strength that you communicate by setting boundaries builds trust – when someone knows that they can`t take advantage you that alleviates the fear that someone else will.

　　10. be a class act

　　hold yourself to a higher a standard. be quick to apologize when you know you are wrong. only speak well of others, even those who don`t speak well of you.

　　why should you do this? first, imagine what it would do to your sense of self to know that other people only have good experiences with you. second, imagine how much trust such behaviour engenders in others. finally, imagine the example you set for others – the conduct of others will improve just by being around you consistently.

　　11. your word is your bond

　　keep all the promises you make and ensure that you make promises only sparingly. make your word stronger than any written contract. refuse to make empty promises and manipulate people.

　　when a promise you have made is no longer beneficial to you, instead of deciding to not follow through, attempt to renegotiate the deal. when you renegotiate the agreement, ensure that the new commitment provides even more value to the other person.