英语四级考试作文精彩点评(3)(2)

 
例3．（8分段）
    One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he must be isolated from us for relivesing measure.
    In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At last we told him that he must get over this fell .
    I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him.
 
东方教育点评：本文基本切题，也有必要的细节描述。但有的地方表达不清楚。有比较多的语言错误。要注意连接词的使用和句式多样化，长短句可以间隔使用，使用长句时注意语法、力求表达清楚。　
具体问题剖析：(1)全文时态不统一（举例略）。
（2）第二段语句衔接不自然，句式重复，且长句组织起来显得有点凌乱，语法错误相当多。在原文基础上修改如下："In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must overcome this ill."