英语四级考试作文精彩点评(1)(2)

（2）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。
（3）语言错误较多，很多句子不通顺，如“In today, many women have a work.”应改为“Today, many women get a job.”(滥用介词)；“In ancient, women’s position in family is pity”中pity应改为pitiful（词形误用）；“They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do.”中every 改为everything，how改为what（代词错误）；“They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing with her husband, do what she wants to do.”应改为“They have the right to express ideas, discuss things with their respective husband, and do what they want to.”(人称代词前后不一致)。
 
例3．（8分段）
??Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Many Women today are playing an important part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For an example. Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.
??With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more women have their own job. They get their own salary, and become more independent from their husband. With the economic situation improved, their family position is improving.
??In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.
 
东方教育点评：基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚，文字勉强连贯；语言错误相当多，其中有一些是严重错误。　
具体问题剖析：（1）论证不够深入，缺少事例，缺少说服力。
（2）文字缺连贯、且显累赘，如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并且有适当的转承词。（3）语言错误相当多，如“For an example”，“Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.”应改为“Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies.”（单复数）