近年来大学英语四级作文考试题目、考题讨论(5)

As for me, I choose to take a part-time job. Then I can finance my college education by myself.
此篇文章忽视了题目是“How I Finance my College Education”，中心是“我”的计划，应该围绕“我”如何筹措上大学的费用，把重点放在第二段而不是第一段。改后的文章为：
While the cost of college education has risen sharply in the past few years, students have several ways to pay for their college tuition and fees. Mostly their parents will pay. Many students may find a part-time job. Excellent students can win a yearly scholarship and poor students will easily get low-interest loans from banks.
As for me, I choose to take a part-time job. I do not want my parents to pay for my college education since I have grown up. In the future I will have to live by myself, supporting my own family and my parents. And a part-time job is the right step I should take. Besides, I may get more experiences through a part-time job. This is how I will finance my college education.

2. 忽视主题句
一篇文章，不论长短，应该是一个有机的统一体，整篇文章要围绕一个中心问题，每一
段也要有统一的内容，才能满足连贯一致的要求。在此方面，主题句起着很重要的作用，没有主题句，段落的句子就缺少统一的内容。有的段落虽有主题句，但段落中的一些句子的内容却偏离了这一主题。
    例如1996年1月的作文“The Two-day Weekend”，第一段是双休日给大学生带来的好处，有的同学这样写到：
We have been thrown into a competitive society. Everybody around us is working hard to build his happy life, and if we do not want to lag behind, we have to work even harder. College students have to face competitions in both their study and their life. Several years ago it was said that they lived comfortably in the “tower of ivory”, but now they are living like workers bees. The problem is that they do not have much free time … .
    这位同学的文笔不错，也不是没有逻辑，但写了这么多，还是无法让人跟“双休日给大学生带来的好处”联系起来。如果他先把主题句“The two-day weekend has given college students much freedom.”写出来，再围绕主题句来写双休日给大学生带来的好处，效果就好了。
3. 不会使用过渡手段
许多考生未掌握好过渡词或代词等段落内的句子之间借以平滑过渡的手段，致使段落结
构和整个短文的结构层次不清楚，前后不连贯，给人以支离破碎的感觉。
缺乏连贯性的段落在很大程度上是由于过渡词的使用不当造成的。例如：
He was stronger than I am. He often protected me when someone wanted to strike me. I was cleverer. He often wanted me to make something like toy guns.
上例是由四个简单句组成的，读起来连贯性不强，有断断续续的感觉。如果使用过渡词语标示出句间的逻辑关系，就会使其连贯性得到明显的加强。第一句与第二句有因果关系，用过渡词therefore连接可使前后更加紧密。第三句和第四句也有因果关系，用过渡词hence衔接，不但可以避免therefore的重复出现，又能起到承接上文的作用。修正如下：
He was stronger than I am; therefore, when someone tried to strike me, he would protect me. But I was cleverer; (hence) he often asked me to make some toy guns for him.

4. 选词造句的错误
选用词语不当，或者句子结构不符合语法规则，有的考生尽管在语法部分得分很高，但